MESSAGE FROM THE PSYCHOLOGIST
Connection Before Correction
Children need emotional connection before they can manage behaviour. Connection builds safety, and safety opens the door to reflection and change. When things are tough, children will not often be able to regulate their emotions unless they feel safe and have strong relationships that they know they can depend on. Ways to maintain connection include:
- Co-Regulation
Regulated adults help dysregulated children. Model calm openly: "I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed, I’m going to take a deep breath and get a warm drink before we
keep talking, would you like one as well?."
- Be with Them
Healing happens in mutual, emotionally-attuned relationships. It’s not just about how children feel—it's about being felt with and knowing you are there with them.
- Repair Over Perfection
Ruptures are inevitable. Repair is essential. Apologise. Reconnect. Show that relationships can withstand difficulty.
- Safety isn’t just the absence of danger—it’s the presence of attunement.
When a child’s internal world is met with curiosity, not judgment—when their behaviour is met with understanding, not punishment—something powerful happens: They begin to soften. Their shame begins to shrink. Family members start becoming curious about each other’s inner life, not just the outward behaviours. And that shared understanding is where safety begins.
- Non-Judgemental Curiosity
Approach each moment with the genuine intention to understand. Your words, facial expression, tone, and body posture should all say: “I’m interested in you, and I’m not here to judge.” Stay curious about the child’s thoughts, feelings, intentions, beliefs, desires, and needs. Let them know their perspective is safe with you.
If you would like to learn more about attachment and parenting, local community centres such as the Oxenford Coomera Community Youth Centre, Griffith University and Studio Village Community Centre regularly offer parenting groups. You can also contact Parentline on 1800 30 1300 for free and confidential parenting advice.
