Triple P Parenting Tips: Fears

More information on the Triple P website: https://www.triplep-parenting.net.au/qld-en/triple-p/

Experiencing fear is a normal part of growing up. Many children are scared of things like the dark, heights, being alone, imaginary monsters and many more. However, when these fears begin to get in the way of daily life they can become a problem. Fear of certain things can be learnt through observation from adults in the child’s lives, unpleasant previous experiences or even accidental rewards where a child gains something from showing fear (e.g. showing fear of the dark when a parent rewards this fear through extra attention and later bedtime).

Childhood fears can be challenging for families and are often stressful for all involved. Below are some strategies that may help address these fears.

• Have a discussion with your child: Validate their feelings and let them know that you understand they are scared. Reassure them that everyone, including yourself, gets scared sometimes and consider sharing a time when you overcame fear.
• Set a good example: Try and keep your own fears under control and not show overt fear when faced with non-threatening situations.
• Teach your child coping strategies:
  • Deep ‘belly breathing’ is a helpful tool where the child breathes in through their nose and out through their mouth whilst making sure their belly expands when they breath in and goes ‘deflates’ when they breathe out
  • Relaxation tools like going floppy like a rag doll to relax the muscles can be effective
  • Imagination and self-talk involve pre-determined coping statements and envisioning comforting places or memories
• Encourage your child to face their fears gradually: Set small manageable goals and, while using coping strategies, work up to more feared 
• situations. Rewards for meeting each goal can be helpful.
• Remain calm while your child is scared: Over-reassuring may have the opposite effect and confirm to the child that they cannot cope on their own.
• Praise your child for facing their fears: Use descriptive praise when they achieve their goal.
• Encourage your child to try new things: Introduce new situations gradually and with warnings.
• Help your child face things they must do: Avoidance of situations often worsens fears. Discussing what will happen during the situation, deciding on coping strategies to use and using descriptive praise once they have faced their fears can help build confidence.
• Talk to your child about dangerous situation: Some children’s fears are in response to a real risk. Talking about ways to keep themselves safe is important.
• Get help from other children. Doing feared situations with a buddy of around the same age can make situations seem less daunting